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darkandstormy

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent
VIP Member
Credits
3,107
This idea came to me after a couple of glasses of wine last night, soooo here goes...

Everyone knows Negan is a pretty cocky guy. He's especially self-assured about his prowess with the ladies, and is confident that his "wives" love every minute of his attention.

One night he picks one of the ladies in his harem for a night of fun and games. She goes along because (a) she's a good actress and (b) she has no choice. They have dinner. They walk around the Sanctuary. He takes her up to the roof where they can look at the stars. He's really treating this as a date. Negan wants her to enjoy her special time with him. They have a few after-dinner drinks and laugh and talk.

Eventually the evening ends up in the bedroom where Negan feels he does his best work, saying "I've got my fingers crossed for a little Freaky Deaky." He motions to her for where he wants her to begin and she obliges with a quickness. He closes his eyes and really gets into it. She works on him like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. He's loving this and starts getting carried away. Too carried away, because she's choking and he's completely oblivious. After all ~ it's ultimately all about him. He's actually laughing saying "your mouth is puffed up like a baboon's ass", and doesn't hear her coughing and gagging.

Negan finally hears "urrgh, arrrgh" sounds thinking she's really enjoying herself, when the reality is ~ she suffocated, then turned, and is emitting walker growls. Next thing he knows, she bites off his pride and joy. Negan is in shock ~ he's bleeding out, in excruciating pain, and is mad as hell. He yells "I'm about as useful as a fingerless eunuch during F**k Fest February"...then, as the only way to end his agony, he flings himself into his fiery furnace. This prompts Simon to remark "welcome to where you're going".

~The End~
 
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greaterpursuit

Unsullied
Original Survivor
Credits
3,736
Rosita bends up and down quickly and gets impaled by one of her boobs
Aaron is killed when he's hit by a car and the license falls off and decapitates him
Carl dies when he doesn't see a walker coming through that mop of hair in his eyes
Everyone in the Kingdom dies by eating bad cobbler

Lame, I know, but @deadhead made me do it! :sorry:
 

deadhead

Tiger Elitist
Original Survivor
Credits
1,392
Queen Carol woke up one morning and took a good look around.

The world has gone to hell, not because of the dead, but because of the idiots trying to run things - those few special dumbasses surrounding her and the people she cares about who just keep making bad decisions and getting people killed. She decides today's the day to finally take care of what needs taken care of.

#1 Rick.
...here's a knuckleknife to the gut.

#2 Morgan
Remember that time you body-slammed me to protect that murderous wolf?
...knuckleknife to the skull.

#3 Negan
Because Glenn.


#4 Ezekiel

You're just ridiculous, it takes Carol about 2 seconds to de-throne this whacko and put a bullet in his brain.
 

refia

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent
Original Survivor
Credits
965
They say your life can flash before your eyes at the moment of death. You can relive key precious memories, or glimpse moments of others. For this person; his first was his tenth birthday. Being handed a slack, beige craft tissue wrapped, small package by his grandmother, and a disjointed, hazy yet feminine elder voice informing him that this once belonged to his own father. To treat it well; because once introduced to its contents, there is no returning. Not for their family. The boy unwrapped the package, and halted for one moment, taking in the contents once revealed. It was just a soft looking button-up shirt? But in his heart he could immediately tell it was not just any old shirt; the intricate symmetry of the pattern (small squares and smaller lines), the pleasing small palette boxes of dark reds and blacks, the promising warmth just radiating from the cotton. He knew in his young heart there was indeed no hope of returning to a now deemed, lesser pattern of shirt after being introduced to...plaid.

Another flash, he's older, an adult; still wearing customary plaid (he's now collected many different shades and styles) and has also introduced into his wardrobe his 'may-or-may-not' existent wife affectionately dubbed 'mom jeans'; evenings spent with his 'possibly fabricated' children. A generic nuclear family set-up. Evenings may be spent in front of a tv rewatching reruns of shows that center around other nuclear families where they deal with their first-world problems in over-dramatic fashion. Afterwards he cheerfully stands up and informs his vague family he's putting on the barbeque for the nth time that week.

Another, to where he once deemed his 'happy place'. Where towering shelving units occupied the entire large warehouse, broken up into 'aisles'. Where the heady aroma of machine lubricants, steel and desiccated planked trees filled his working days from dawn to dusk. He's attired in the uniform of his people, a second skin that feels more like a first. His usual clothing, but atop that, an apron that feels like a constant full bodied hug, a name-badge that proudly displays his first name and the possible question 'can I serve you' in smaller text underneath. If plaid was his religion, this place was his church.

He comes crashing back to reality for his final moments. And realizes he's filled with no regrets, his after-days had filled with gate-duty and baby-sitting duty once the construction had stopped for no explicable reason. He had gone on a run, maybe trying to prove he was worth more than that, so hammer in hand the group had entered the warehouse (ok, it was more he wanted to step foot in one of these places again after overhearing where the group were going to scavenge building resources for the coming war). There are worse deaths...but there are also more graceful ones too--slipping on a slick spot, pinned with a rusty tablesaw imbedded deep into your midsection (shirt ruined of all things) while your hand was outstreched to grab the a4 size poster of your icon, (in this persons life, it was 'Al Borland' from Home Improvement) off the wall above it would not go down as one of the most heroic deaths, but it was one Tobin fortunately didn't need to worry about for much longer.
 
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Hauntmaster

Administrator
Staff member
Administrator
Moderator
Original Survivor
Credits
30,232
Thank you all for your participation! It was a lot of fun and we had some great stories. Our winners:

1st Place: Refia

2nd Place: Nixnax

3rd place: DarkandStormy

The race was so close we decided to add a third place and prize of $25. Congratulations to our three winners!
 
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